Choosing You, Always

You,

I have had the majority of this blog written for a while now, but I wanted to wait until today to publish it. Why? Because today is your birthday. It’s not a milestone, nothing monumental, no big celebrations planned. But it’s one of my favorite days of the year, every year. And this year, this is my gift to you.

I have been told for most of my life that I have a way with words, and I hear it from you often. And as much as I write and express myself, somehow I never feel like I’m doing a very good job of telling you just how much you and your love mean to me.

You are my muse.

In no uncertain terms, I know this to be true more than most things I have claimed to know in my life. Since the day you came into my life, I have felt alive. And when we became Us, I was reborn. I have never been more sure that this is the me that I was always meant to be. That loving you is my purpose. That being able to love you with everything I have, is all that I have ever wanted.

For the past year I have written about how all I wanted in my life since childhood was a big, bold, beautiful love – the kind from a movie scene. And how, the thing about that kind of love, is that you never expect it, plan on it, or have any idea what it will look like when you get it. And I still find myself in disbelief so much of the time. Not because there actually have been crying in the street during a rainstorm moments (barefoot) and too many slammed doors and sleepless nights; just like the movies. And not because there have been countless conversations past 5am that ignite my passions and skin-to-skin moments that stir my soul; just like the movies.

But because we are learning and growing, together. You & Me. Way past the last movie scene.

I’ve never really seen that happen, truly. I’ve believed in it, I’ve studied it, I’ve known that it’s what people want. But I’ve never truly seen it in real life.  I’ve seen people that don’t make sense and stay together. I’ve seen people who should try harder but walk away. And I’ve seen just about everything in between.

But with you, I truly, honestly, have no doubt in my mind that we are unbreakable. It’s that “happily ever after” part that we rarely witness,  but now we are living it.

We are ever-evolving, always. We aren’t the same as we were when we first started (thank god!), and I have no doubt we’ll look entirely different in a little over a year from now when we can finally call each other “wife”.

And in some moments, it’s all been very clear to me, to us, and to anyone else looking in. But it’s the moments that aren’t so clear that bring me to life. The moments where it doesn’t make sense to anyone else, and barely make sense to Us. It’s those moments of confusion when I am also full of gratitude for this love that we have.

Yup, I said that’s when I feel the most grateful.

Because I don’t want easy and calm, boring and complacent…and I know you don’t either. And when we’re right smack in the middle of our next hard, we’ll both be able to look at each other and know that no matter what, we’re doing this whole life thing together. And that we are, without a doubt, both better people for every single moment we have shared together. Each and every one.

You truly are my puzzle piece. I am complete when I am with you. Jagged edges, maybe. But with you, I fit. And every piece we lay with every moment of Us continues to create the most beautiful picture.

To me, you are love. And I never want to know a life devoid of love, or absent of you.

I’ve wanted to keep you every day since we met, and I think I might just get to.

When I say “I love you” every day for the rest of our lives, know and trust that I mean it with everything that I am.

Thank you for filling my life and overflowing my heart. You are my Light.

Happy Birthday
XOXO
Me