As someone who struggled with my weight well before I was ever a parent, it’s incredibly difficult to censor all of the nasty thoughts that creep up about my body when I’m around my kids. But it’s also incredibly important.
I grew up in a household with two overweight parents who were also pretty verbal about their weight struggles. I didn’t know much about healthy food growing up, or really even what it meant to be healthy. My parents weren’t active people and all of our meals had a pretty heavy dose of oil and/or butter. But it was also a different world then, and I do not blame my parents for their choices or for my own weight struggles. I only mention this to say that I did not know what it meant to eat healthy and be active from inside my own home.
After I reached my own personal tipping point and chose to make my wellness a priority, I became educated in fitness and nutrition. I feed on knowledge more than anything else so I started learning what it meant to eat well and be active. Of course, I also made my own personal choices in these areas that I do not expect everyone to agree with or follow, but the choices I made were, at the very least, informed.
So now I find myself a health professional striving for harmony among all avenues of wellness…and a parent of three young children. And unlike my parents, I am educated in the field of wellness and I do know the importance of a healthy physical and psychological development. And so now it is (partially) my job to be a role model and educator to our children and to lead by example. And I take this responsibility very seriously
I am not a “health nut” or a super-fit mom. We have fruits and vegetables in our house but also Goldfish and Oreos. We encourage our kids to be active, but we’re just as happy to dance around the kitchen or have tickle-fests to raise our heart rates. And if I try to distill down my main wellness message to our children right now, it would be the following –
- You are more than your appearances. Your looks do not define you. Your body will change again and again and again. You are beautiful because you are smart, and kind, and unique. And we will make sure to tell you this every day.
- Food is not good or bad. Some foods are healthier than others and therefore help your body more than others. This is why we strive to have more of the healthier foods more often, and less of the less-healthy foods, less often.
- Treats are necessary and enjoyable. For all of us. And moderation is important, because we know that treats are not helping our bodies much, they are mostly just fun. Much like vacations vs. school. We know we need school to grow and develop our brains and become amazing, educated adults. But vacations are fun and necessary too; we all need a break now and again. But if we had only vacations, we wouldn’t appreciate them as much and, more importantly…we wouldn’t grow and develop into super-smart adults either. So it’s always, always about the balance.
- You were not born knowing that you liked ice-cream. So keep trying new foods, you never know which next one might taste even better than ice-cream.
- Any way you move your body is the best way to move your body. Dance parties after dinner? Soccer with classmates on the playground? Gymnastics after school? It doesn’t matter what you do; you are doing great things for your body. So find what you love and just do it.
- We are not perfect. We are parents. We will force you to eat peas even if you don’t like them (and you may never like them). We will take away a dessert even though food should never be used a punishment. We will even eat pizza in front of you while we’ve insisted you finish your vegetables (and we have no vegetables on our own plates). We lead by example as often as we possibly can, but we are not perfect. But our imperfections are leading by example too, because we hope you know that we do not expect you to be perfect either.
- We are all works in progress. We will tell you never to worry about your weight but you will over-hear us calling ourselves fat from time to time, despite our best efforts. We will teach you that exercise can be incredibly enjoyable, but some days we won’t get up to do our own. We will drink too much, eat more than we should, sit on the couch too long, and expect more of you than we do of ourselves. But we will continually promise to work on these bad habits and to be our best selves so that you can be yours.
So I say – as loudly as I can – to myself, to my partner, to my children, and to you – enough with the body shaming.
Yes, I hate the way those pants fit today, I really can’t believe I ate that entire sub, and no, it’s not ok that I haven’t worked out in a week. But remember that whole thing about your body being a temple? Nobody knocks down a temple when the first few bits crumble to the ground. The temple stands true and strong despite the wear and tear of life. And we do too. Our bodies are our temples and the better we take care of them, the longer they last. But they are present whether we take care for them or not. How we care for them only determines the length of our worship.
Whether you are struggling or not, do not knock your temple down. And teach your Tinies and Littles the same. Wellness On, Warriors.
