A little less than 6 months ago, my character was put under severe scrutiny (and it’s been confirmed, bad things really do come in threes).
There were repeated questions –
Were my intentions pure?
Was my heart in the right place?
Was I really the open-hearted, non-judgmental, loving person I claimed to be?
I wasn’t expecting it, didn’t feel I deserved it, and definitely wasn’t prepared for it.
The month that followed was the hardest of my life for many, many reasons…and yet, I just kept hearing people say, “you’re doing better than I would have thought.”
This of course led me (and everyone else) to question whether or not I was truly healing and if I was actually ok…or if I just wasn’t dealing with what was actually happening. I checked in with myself constantly, but I kept coming to the same conclusions –
This pain is great, but I am too.
Almost 5 years ago I made a choice to follow my heart and trust myself. And that choice was a choice to always trust myself. I didn’t overthink. I didn’t second guess. I trusted myself to know what I needed. To know my truth. And once I owned my truth, I couldn’t take it away.
I learned the value of being myself – always.
I thought I had been being me for a good long while. I thought I had fully come into my own and that I wasn’t afraid to be me, to choose me. But this was different. This was unabashed, unashamed, untamed authenticity.
And after that moment, that moment I made my choice – the choice that I knew without a doubt was right for me – I knew no other way to be.
So this is me, this is what you get.
And I’ve learned, by watching myself and countless others, that once you make the choice to live authentically – there are no other choices to make.
There’s no undoing. No going back.
Being is all you know how to do.
And the best part? You never have to question your own intentions. You know. From that moment on, you just know.
Now, sometimes, we forget this knowing – for just a minute. And about 6 months ago, that’s what happened to me – for a moment.
Once, twice, three times questioned…I almost forgot what I knew. I almost forgot my truth. I almost forgot that I know no other way to be than exactly who I am – genuine, transparent, compassionate.
But then, I remembered.
The thing about living your truth, is that it takes beautiful bravery.
This is in no way the absence of fear. It is trusting your truth and doing the hard stuff – even when it’s terrifying – because you know no other way to be. It is acknowledging that no one knows you better than yourself. And it is recognizing that all you are is open and honest and share your truth with the world.
And if anyone questions that…well then, that’s on them.
We are not free from pain, scrutiny, and questioning when we choose our truth. Sometimes it feels like much the opposite; like everyone is coming for us, because they can’t possibly fathom that someone would share themselves so freely.
Don’t let their fear derail your purpose.
Choosing you is not selfish. It is self-preservation.
Know yourself first, it is the only way you will ever truly be able to connect with anyone else.
And we the people? That’s all we want. It’s what we crave. Deep, pure, human connection.
So I dare you to show me your beautiful bravery. And hold my heart while I show you mine.