State of Grace

Thanksgiving is literally just around the corner and between the annoyance of Christmas decorations being in stores since October, planning where/when/who to eat (with), and trying to make as much work progress as possible before the holiday is in the hands of visiting family – I can still affirm that Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.

A holiday focused on ALL family, friends, and fun (and yes, even food), means that there is little to be UNgrateful about this time of year. It’s not about expensive gifts or all attention on one person. It’s collective and inclusive and honest.

Now I know that some people feel incredibly stressed, nervous to see particular family members, and overwhelmed with everything that has to happen in such a short period of time. And I’ve been a part of those kinds of Thanksgivings too. But in my tiny NonTraditional corner of the world, I’ve been doing Thanksgiving a little differently for over 10 years now – and that’s exactly how I like it.

And that right there, is exactly what I am most thankful for this year. Our NonTraditional traditions.

It hasn’t been easy since the start and you’ve heard me say before that the hard is messy and complicated and even ugly at times. And that is true of all the hard – my childhood hard, my early adulthood hard, and the hard that we welcomed with our love. But you know what they say – nothing easy in this world is worth having. I guess I take that to mean that if the end result is worth it, so is the hard work to get there.

My parents divorced when I was 12 and my mother remarried when I was 13ish and all my highly anticipated yearly traditions changed dramatically. I didn’t like it at first. I fought it. Got angry. Refused to participate. And was a straight-up brat. But I was in a state of change and I wanted to hold on to SOMETHING that seemed familiar. I hated that I couldn’t. But then…we started new traditions. Maybe better, maybe not –  but definitely different. And I stopped fighting the change so hard. I started accepting that Thanksgiving is Thanksgiving even if you eat the meal on a Friday. That canned peas and corn don’t ruin the holiday. That last year’s giant family argument doesn’t have to be repeated this year. That celebrating with friends who are family can be better than celebrating with family who are barely friends. And I accepted that every year has to be approached individually. And this year is no different.

A year ago, we were smack in the middle of some serious hard. We couldn’t figure out why, but we couldn’t find our footing. We kept missing the mark even though on the outside it looked like we finally should have had it all figured it out. And maybe that was just it. Maybe the problem was that we trusted the outside and it looked completely fine, but we still had a whole host of shit to figure out inside. And luckily, we spent the last year starting to figure it out. And we find ourselves in a place that might look just like it did a year ago from the outside, but that feels like a whole new world inside. This year, we are in a State of Grace.

How can you tell? What does it look like?

It’s quieter. Less forced. More laughter. Fewer tears. Gentler words.

It’s the sound of acceptance, of knowing, trusting, and believing that we are doing it right, that we’re all going to be ok.

That my love and your love and their love is all just right and good because it’s love.

And because it’s all love no matter which way you slice it, our Little and Tinies are thriving. They are bright, beautiful babes who see the world through wide eyes. Their arms and hearts are open and they do not judge anything new, and different, and unknown. Because they come from new, and different, and unknown. They never question that love is the greatest force in this world, because they feel it everywhere they turn. And a conversation we had with our Little recently affirmed all of this so deeply.

We played “questions” before bedtime and she read, “what is one thing that makes your family unique?” Mom, Nelle, and Little all had to give answers. And as our Little described what made our family unique and special, our hearts grew bigger on the spot. It wasn’t that there are three moms and one dad, or that there are two houses and two separate-but-connected families, or that there are countless grandparents, or different last names… It was that we all have brown eyes (seems odd she thought) and that we have twins boys (somewhat rare she agreed). And while the world is 100% the perspective you have,  we were in awe of our Little and how NonTraditional her thinking is at just age 7.

And if that isn’t a sign of our State of Grace, I don’t know what is.